How Much Wood can A Woodchuck Chuck?
After seeing the video that's been circulating around about a 20-something social media activist who catfished girls around the country on Facebook posing as a cute guy their age, I took a look at Sweetpea's Instagram account. These girls had agreed to meet up with this fictitious boy after only a week of fb conversation, despite their parents (who were in on the sting) assertion they were sure their kids would never do something that stupid. The videos showed three girls, the youngest 12, either getting into a van with this 'boy', opening the door when their parents were asleep, or meeting up alone in a deserted park.
I was planning to show Sweetpea this video but first I wanted to see just who were friends were on Instagram. She doesn't have Facebook but also does Snapchat, 'for the funny morph pictures', she told us.
Inspiration. Dalmatian just might be my spirit animal.
It had been a while since I checked in to Instagram and since we are following each other I didn't even have to go on her phone. That's when I found out she had 180 followers and was following about the same number. Yikes!
When she got home that afternoon I sat down with her and showed her the video. She kept making disapproving noises when the girls agreed to meet someone they had never actually seen in person. She sounded good, but then again that's what the parents of these victims had thought, too. Then I asked her to open Instagram on her phone and go through her list with me. She had to tell me whom each and every one of the 180 followers were. I couldn't believe she had gathered that many connections in the eight months since we'd given permission. And this was only after weeks of discussion and some heavy negotiating on our daughter's part. She knew the risks and that we would be checking without notice to make sure she was abiding by our rules.
Except I'm not sure what rules we gave her. Hmmmm.
Which points out the obvious flaw in our parenting boundaries. Since we have no idea what it is like to grow up with the abundance of social media connections, we assume she would behave as we have, like adults. But then again, I've been caught out more than once with privacy issues on Facebook myself.
I admit that I felt a wave of sympathy for my 12-year-old when she had to go through the entire list with details on each connection and I was impressed that she could, without exception. She was understandably nervous but obliging when I randomly checked on some of their posts. So far just selfies, pet photos, and the kind of inspirational sayings kids at her age pass around, like, 'you have to grow through dirt to flower'. But it did lead to a much longer talk about what it means to have 180 people as a community who stay in constant but often distant contact. Friendly connections do not replace face-to-face gut instinct and time to get to know someone in a safe environment. There are some things that never change and I think Sweetpea got the message. Never agree to meet somewhere with any one of those 180 'friends' whom you do not see on a daily basis and/or we haven't met. And never alone. Keep us in the loop, because we will not interfere except to counsel and monitor. Although this isn't an issue now, once she hits high school, going to Starbucks to meet up with friends will inevitably happen and we have to break through her assumption that the veil of intimacy is just that - a digital creation without a reality check. She doesn't know 90% of these kids to any great depth and some of them have graduated into high school and their world view and needs are outpacing hers.
I love and cherish my daughter's curious mix of naivete and skepticism. She's been known to pepper me with doomsday whatifs that defy logic but I hope she keeps these in mind when a cute boy whom she has on her list starts sending more than pet photos. The rules may not change but Sweetpea is swilling around in her hormonal soup, so this soon to be 13 year old has one foot in childhood and one in quasi-adulthood, making a mess of her brain. Dangerous times when we remember how much we thought we knew at her age. Perfectly normal, but still risky.
oops someone just sent me a cat video. Gotta go.
I was planning to show Sweetpea this video but first I wanted to see just who were friends were on Instagram. She doesn't have Facebook but also does Snapchat, 'for the funny morph pictures', she told us.
Inspiration. Dalmatian just might be my spirit animal.
It had been a while since I checked in to Instagram and since we are following each other I didn't even have to go on her phone. That's when I found out she had 180 followers and was following about the same number. Yikes!
When she got home that afternoon I sat down with her and showed her the video. She kept making disapproving noises when the girls agreed to meet someone they had never actually seen in person. She sounded good, but then again that's what the parents of these victims had thought, too. Then I asked her to open Instagram on her phone and go through her list with me. She had to tell me whom each and every one of the 180 followers were. I couldn't believe she had gathered that many connections in the eight months since we'd given permission. And this was only after weeks of discussion and some heavy negotiating on our daughter's part. She knew the risks and that we would be checking without notice to make sure she was abiding by our rules.
Except I'm not sure what rules we gave her. Hmmmm.
Which points out the obvious flaw in our parenting boundaries. Since we have no idea what it is like to grow up with the abundance of social media connections, we assume she would behave as we have, like adults. But then again, I've been caught out more than once with privacy issues on Facebook myself.
I admit that I felt a wave of sympathy for my 12-year-old when she had to go through the entire list with details on each connection and I was impressed that she could, without exception. She was understandably nervous but obliging when I randomly checked on some of their posts. So far just selfies, pet photos, and the kind of inspirational sayings kids at her age pass around, like, 'you have to grow through dirt to flower'. But it did lead to a much longer talk about what it means to have 180 people as a community who stay in constant but often distant contact. Friendly connections do not replace face-to-face gut instinct and time to get to know someone in a safe environment. There are some things that never change and I think Sweetpea got the message. Never agree to meet somewhere with any one of those 180 'friends' whom you do not see on a daily basis and/or we haven't met. And never alone. Keep us in the loop, because we will not interfere except to counsel and monitor. Although this isn't an issue now, once she hits high school, going to Starbucks to meet up with friends will inevitably happen and we have to break through her assumption that the veil of intimacy is just that - a digital creation without a reality check. She doesn't know 90% of these kids to any great depth and some of them have graduated into high school and their world view and needs are outpacing hers.
I love and cherish my daughter's curious mix of naivete and skepticism. She's been known to pepper me with doomsday whatifs that defy logic but I hope she keeps these in mind when a cute boy whom she has on her list starts sending more than pet photos. The rules may not change but Sweetpea is swilling around in her hormonal soup, so this soon to be 13 year old has one foot in childhood and one in quasi-adulthood, making a mess of her brain. Dangerous times when we remember how much we thought we knew at her age. Perfectly normal, but still risky.
oops someone just sent me a cat video. Gotta go.
posted by vallie at 11:17 AM
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