Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Apps and the Big Bad Wolf


When Sweetpea was a baby I blogged like crazy.  The whole mommy thing sent my head spinning and the only relief I had was to write about it.  In the process I found the humor in everyday conundrums of planned parenthood and in turn this helped me to see the absurdity of getting hung up about certain unavoidable aspects of caring for a very small human.

For a few years all this writing went into a big word-bin until our daughter reached what I fondly like to refer to as the happy years, when she was off to elementary school.  Here in this new world where I was no longer the focus, she put on her uniform, got  busy with basic learning (my speed), made friends, liked and wore everything I bought for her, and earned a laudable reputation around school as a very polite child.  I took out my parental surf board and just rode the wave for a while.  
     Oh, don't get me wrong, I did a lot of parenting during this formative time, most of it involving flash cards, sharing tutoring duties with my math-minded husband, encouraging her to run for various leadership positions, win or lose, and forging heart-to-hearts about various girl dramas that were mild compared to some I'd heard of.  We even started age-appropriate conversations about boys and gender perspectives on intimacy and related (read how we get to sexual) relationships.  She wasn't that interested at first (boys are weird) but with brain development and the long onset to puberty she began to ask more questions and down the rabbit hole we went.
     Now the conversations with our daughter have become quite complicated because she actually has a mind of her own (surprise!) and these tricky menstrual-era minefields run the gamut from boy crushes to iPhone apps that she absolutely, positively, unequivocally must have.  Enter bad guys mom and dad, who still have a shred of hip and cool when it comes to most of the stuff she wants to talk about, but are decidedly mean and unhip when it comes to social media.  And dating. Specifically her relationships with apps or boys.
     I view with unabashed longing my friends who have daughters the same age (now 13) who have zero interest in the opposite sex.  Or in social media.  Where did we go wrong, I wonder?  She is a self-proclaimed geek but this is really just a ruse as far as I'm concerned.  She doesn't do chess clubs or science fairs but she is in the marching band and this is how she claims her geek membership.  In reality I don't think she fits the stereotype.  Not like my friend's eight year old who speaks four languages, plays bridge and collects coins.  His future seems pretty secure as someone who may rule the world, technologically speaking.  I'm not sure where our kid is going to end up - could be anywhere from her interest in forensic science to being a waitress.  It's currently a toss-up.
     But the complexities of boys and apps remain on the agenda.  Pretty much swings between the two.  I have seen a couple of really powerful videos on Facebook about girls who end up accidentally getting connected to a teenage predator using Kik or Snapchat, and the scary consequences of befriending someone they've never met.  Even in person Boys are equally mysterious as far as understanding their potential to inspire, and to harm.  When it comes to this subject we balance on a very delicate line - teaching Sweetpea how to navigate her connections safely and honestly. Which in Sweetpea's case is not in her control when it comes to dating because that's just off the table until she's at least a junior in high school.  Sigh!  She seems ok with the idea that this journey is still ongoing and I really believe she gets that she's just not there yet in terms of holding her own as far as dating goes.  And although I knew of girls in my junior high who were definitely doing more than canoodling with clothes on, I now find myself in the position of trying not to picture this with our little girl.

Yuk.

Apps are another story and for another day.  Who knew 180 friends was 'normal' on Instagram?